So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, goodbye.
January 17, 2010 5:52:00 PM
Sigh...
It's my last day in Malaysia.
At least for another year.
And I've been reading too many of LeeTeuk's Cyworld entries because I'm starting to write in his format.
I've even added the sigh.
Sigh.
Thank you to all my friends and family for making my stay here so much fun. :)
You guys are irreplaceable.
Cameras can only capture so many things.
Everything else has been captured in my head.
*
Happy birthday Kang-In! :3
생일죽하 합니다!
Hopefully this year would be much better than the last for you, I've missed seeing Super Junior as a full 13-member group.
강인 오빠 화이팅!
Hwaiting!
Super Junior forever 13!
13elieve in w15hes.
It's my last day in Malaysia.
At least for another year.
And I've been reading too many of LeeTeuk's Cyworld entries because I'm starting to write in his format.
I've even added the sigh.
Sigh.
Thank you to all my friends and family for making my stay here so much fun. :)
You guys are irreplaceable.
Cameras can only capture so many things.
Everything else has been captured in my head.
*
Happy birthday Kang-In! :3
생일죽하 합니다!
Hopefully this year would be much better than the last for you, I've missed seeing Super Junior as a full 13-member group.
강인 오빠 화이팅!
Hwaiting!
Super Junior forever 13!
13elieve in w15hes.
Labels: g; birthday, k; KangIn, k; LeeTeuk, k; Super Junior, m; nostalgic, m; sad
All good things come to an end.
December 05, 2009 8:36:00 PM
Yeah, like that Nelly Furtado song, only that certainly wasn't a good thing and thank god it came to an end.
I woke up at 9 today, all on my own, surprisingly. No artificial noises to wake me up, or my sis yelling at me, oh no. This time it was a stomach ache. ㅠ.ㅠ Let's see, when was the last time I woke up with a stomach ache? Oh, right. When I was having exams. Was I having an exam today?
No.
Put the kettle to boil (not to be taken literally) and then washed the bottle that I left in my squash bag for a week (disgusting, I know). The tap and the kettle decided to have a competition to see which one would deafen me first. I think the kettle won.
Vomit at the train station (not me!), which was pretty disgusting. 3 guys drinking VBs on the tram at 10am in the morning is a pretty scary sight. I told myself that I'd do my best at today's training, since it'll be my last.
W-ell... I didn't.
Why?
Because it was just Andy and me, that's why. No Robbie, no Jack, no Adam, no Amiel (not that they all come at once, mind you). And Andy had to take it lightly because he has a tournament tomorrow (which I know nothing about ㅠ.ㅠ) And then he left at 12, which gave me 25 more minutes to have one-on-one training with Mark.
I'll be honest, I nearly cried. The last time I'll ever see Andy again, and he didn't even say bye to me ㅠ.ㅠ (but that wasn't why I nearly cried). It's just that I've been going for squash training for, what, nearly 6/7 years now? And then to just stop like that... it's pretty hard.
I mean, it's fine when you really don't like it (and trust me, there were days when I hated it) but if you like it then it's a problem. And I loved it.
Oh well, another chapter in my life's book is now closed. Like so many others.
But, you know, that's what best friends are for. :3
Now, why are all my best friends guys at the moment?
Bye Kooyong. It was nice knowing you. I'll miss you.
I woke up at 9 today, all on my own, surprisingly. No artificial noises to wake me up, or my sis yelling at me, oh no. This time it was a stomach ache. ㅠ.ㅠ Let's see, when was the last time I woke up with a stomach ache? Oh, right. When I was having exams. Was I having an exam today?
No.
Put the kettle to boil (not to be taken literally) and then washed the bottle that I left in my squash bag for a week (disgusting, I know). The tap and the kettle decided to have a competition to see which one would deafen me first. I think the kettle won.
Vomit at the train station (not me!), which was pretty disgusting. 3 guys drinking VBs on the tram at 10am in the morning is a pretty scary sight. I told myself that I'd do my best at today's training, since it'll be my last.
W-ell... I didn't.
Why?
Because it was just Andy and me, that's why. No Robbie, no Jack, no Adam, no Amiel (not that they all come at once, mind you). And Andy had to take it lightly because he has a tournament tomorrow (which I know nothing about ㅠ.ㅠ) And then he left at 12, which gave me 25 more minutes to have one-on-one training with Mark.
I'll be honest, I nearly cried. The last time I'll ever see Andy again, and he didn't even say bye to me ㅠ.ㅠ (but that wasn't why I nearly cried). It's just that I've been going for squash training for, what, nearly 6/7 years now? And then to just stop like that... it's pretty hard.
I mean, it's fine when you really don't like it (and trust me, there were days when I hated it) but if you like it then it's a problem. And I loved it.
Oh well, another chapter in my life's book is now closed. Like so many others.
But, you know, that's what best friends are for. :3
Now, why are all my best friends guys at the moment?
Bye Kooyong. It was nice knowing you. I'll miss you.
Labels: m; nostalgic, m; sad, m; sleepy, s; squash
One last farewell.
November 14, 2009 7:45:00 PM
R.I.P
CHANDNI SHARMA
25 DECEMBER 1993 - 13 NOVEMBER 2009
CHANDNI SHARMA
25 DECEMBER 1993 - 13 NOVEMBER 2009
Yes, it's true. I never saw it coming. I never thought it was possible. But cancer is a vicious thing. Bone cancer, especially, is unforgiving.
Sorry Chandni.
Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. Sorry that I used to think you were weak for not being able to stand up to Charmaine in standard 6. Sorry if I ever said anything about you, ever dissed you for not being up to my standards.
But it's all too late now. I can only think about what could have been.
But I know that you were an infinitely better person than me. I remember being jealous of your ability to play football so well. But I still turned down your invite to practice after school. I didn't trust the teachers, and I didn't want to risk the mosquito bites. I'm not and will never be as good as I think I am.
Sorry I didn't get to know you properly, even though we'd been in the same class in primary school for a few years.
These tears are real, knowing that I'll never be able to see you again, or even to smile in your direction, or say a simple 'hi' to you. These tears are very much here.
I mostly remember you hanging out with Raznil and Amira, because we didn't want to include you in our games. We wanted to be the cool kids in school. Nothing can change that now.
But there are some other memories.
Playing jadi (catch) during rehat (recess). Playing futsal against the other girls when we were standard 6 and our team won. You were a great captain.
I'm sorry that I never noticed you again after standard 6. That I have no memories of us in secondary school. But maybe primary school is really the only memories I want to keep.
Goodbye.
I hope you're with your little brother now, taking care of him. Take care of yourself.
This is all too late now, all too pointless. But I take some comfort to know that you're free now. That at least you're in a better place now. There's no more pain.
This feels so wrong. They took the wrong person. Cancer wasn't worthy of you. You were, after all, born on Christmas day. And they took you on Friday the 13th. It's an omen. You're worthy of being in heaven now.
Cancer was my favourite song by My Chemical Romance. I never knew how much it would hit so close to home.
Cancer by My Chemical seems appropriate now. I've said so much, yet I've said nothing.
One last farewell.
Sorry Chandni.
Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. Sorry that I used to think you were weak for not being able to stand up to Charmaine in standard 6. Sorry if I ever said anything about you, ever dissed you for not being up to my standards.
But it's all too late now. I can only think about what could have been.
But I know that you were an infinitely better person than me. I remember being jealous of your ability to play football so well. But I still turned down your invite to practice after school. I didn't trust the teachers, and I didn't want to risk the mosquito bites. I'm not and will never be as good as I think I am.
Sorry I didn't get to know you properly, even though we'd been in the same class in primary school for a few years.
These tears are real, knowing that I'll never be able to see you again, or even to smile in your direction, or say a simple 'hi' to you. These tears are very much here.
I mostly remember you hanging out with Raznil and Amira, because we didn't want to include you in our games. We wanted to be the cool kids in school. Nothing can change that now.
But there are some other memories.
Playing jadi (catch) during rehat (recess). Playing futsal against the other girls when we were standard 6 and our team won. You were a great captain.
I'm sorry that I never noticed you again after standard 6. That I have no memories of us in secondary school. But maybe primary school is really the only memories I want to keep.
Goodbye.
I hope you're with your little brother now, taking care of him. Take care of yourself.
This is all too late now, all too pointless. But I take some comfort to know that you're free now. That at least you're in a better place now. There's no more pain.
This feels so wrong. They took the wrong person. Cancer wasn't worthy of you. You were, after all, born on Christmas day. And they took you on Friday the 13th. It's an omen. You're worthy of being in heaven now.
Cancer was my favourite song by My Chemical Romance. I never knew how much it would hit so close to home.
Cancer by My Chemical seems appropriate now. I've said so much, yet I've said nothing.
One last farewell.
J. What Time Is It Now?
October 25, 2009 8:55:00 AM
This vid almost made me cry.
Please come back 재범! We miss you!
*Note: 재범 = JaeBeom = Leader of 2PM who left in September, which you can read about here, here and here.
*Note 2: 재범아 사랑해 = JaeBeomAh Saranghae = We Love JaeBeom!
DAMNED NETIZENS, GET A FREAKING LIFE!
In happier times.
Labels: k; 2PM, k; JaeBeom, m; sad
If only.
July 26, 2009 10:05:00 PM
Okay, so I had this totally random dream last night (like I usually do, it's part of my ongoing descent into madness), and I don't remember much of it... I mean, name one person who remembers every single detail of their dreams and I swear I will get the President of whichever country they dwell in to award them a gold star.
And I went off track again.
I bet my readers either hate that, or love it. Anyway, I only remember one part of this dream, because it was totally out of this world. To me, that is, because for some of my friends, it's a reality. This is going to sound REALLY lame, but I dreamt I was told to play the piano in a band. LOL! In my dream (and hell, I remember this vividly), I was like what the... f.... and then I was like 'Wow, this is so awesome!!!!' And then I woke up.
Poof, dream gone.
Sometimes I wonder, if I did stay on in Malaysia, would I really be in a band.. because let's face it, I love playing the piano. I honestly think I'm ok, but I'm not a whizz at it but I still love playing it. Plus I'm learning guitar now, and I love singing too (though I don't think I'm very good :]) so imagine what could have happened if I did stay on...
Sigh.
But these are only stuff I can dream about, stuff that can never become reality because for me, reality stopped when the plane left the runway.
And I went off track again.
I bet my readers either hate that, or love it. Anyway, I only remember one part of this dream, because it was totally out of this world. To me, that is, because for some of my friends, it's a reality. This is going to sound REALLY lame, but I dreamt I was told to play the piano in a band. LOL! In my dream (and hell, I remember this vividly), I was like what the... f.... and then I was like 'Wow, this is so awesome!!!!' And then I woke up.
Poof, dream gone.
Sometimes I wonder, if I did stay on in Malaysia, would I really be in a band.. because let's face it, I love playing the piano. I honestly think I'm ok, but I'm not a whizz at it but I still love playing it. Plus I'm learning guitar now, and I love singing too (though I don't think I'm very good :]) so imagine what could have happened if I did stay on...
Sigh.
But these are only stuff I can dream about, stuff that can never become reality because for me, reality stopped when the plane left the runway.
Labels: m; sad
Take me away now.
July 13, 2009 9:59:00 PM
I can't take this anymore.
I feel like I'm going to explode.
They're whispering in my ear, ticking in my head.
Anytime now. Anytime now.
My heads spinning.
I feel mean, but the word idiot doesn't come to mind.
Maybe being this mean to him lessens the pain.
Dakruon.
I feel like I'm going to explode.
They're whispering in my ear, ticking in my head.
Anytime now. Anytime now.
My heads spinning.
I feel mean, but the word idiot doesn't come to mind.
Maybe being this mean to him lessens the pain.
Dakruon.
Photos kill me.
6:06:00 PM
Okay, I'll be intensely honest and say that I hate facebook so much right now, I hate seeing everyone having the time of their lives, I hate seeing pictures of all of them having so much fun, and I especially hate the way I feel so so so jealous whenever I see pictures of all of them, especially when it has him in them.
Why does he have to be so cute?
Why the heck do I keep looking at pictures of them when I know it kills a little bit of me everytime?
Why why why why why?!
I feel like crying right now. I really do. I want to know so many things now. I want what I can't have. I always do. I want to forget, but I want to remember. I want to let go of all of them, to just wipe my memory of every happy time I ever had with them, especially whatever close moment I had with him.
I want them to be happy.
I want them to move on with their life.
They're doing exactly that.
So why do I wish that they somehow hurt so much that they might feel just a little bit of what I was feeling?
Why do I want them to miss me as much as I miss them?
Because I'm sick of always being the good person, the one who always communicates first but never gets a reply. I want to just cut it off entirely.
But I know that somehow I can't.
I want to know why it's the people who I hardly talk to who put a smile on my face.
Why does he have to be so cute?
Why the heck do I keep looking at pictures of them when I know it kills a little bit of me everytime?
Why why why why why?!
I feel like crying right now. I really do. I want to know so many things now. I want what I can't have. I always do. I want to forget, but I want to remember. I want to let go of all of them, to just wipe my memory of every happy time I ever had with them, especially whatever close moment I had with him.
I want them to be happy.
I want them to move on with their life.
They're doing exactly that.
So why do I wish that they somehow hurt so much that they might feel just a little bit of what I was feeling?
Why do I want them to miss me as much as I miss them?
Because I'm sick of always being the good person, the one who always communicates first but never gets a reply. I want to just cut it off entirely.
But I know that somehow I can't.
I want to know why it's the people who I hardly talk to who put a smile on my face.
Labels: m; confuzzled, m; emo, m; sad
NeverGetTheChanceAgain.
July 07, 2009 7:31:00 PM
*sigh*
I feel kinda sad now... today's my 2nd last day in Malaysia and it'll be forreevveerrrr until I come back. ): 1 week is wayy too short man. Well, at least I managed to spend one more (short) day in school yesterday. (: Went in for recess, and I didn't need to fill in that stupid borang pelawat thing like I did last time... so no pas pelawat for me to carry around (as IF I'll pin it on to my tee!).
Which is why when Hamdan came around telling people for not wearing their tie, I hid behind Darren in case he started telling me off. xD It was kinda fun seeing all the guys who USED to be shorter than me be at least a head taller now.. Hermes for example... he used to be tiny. D:
Wen was stuck in the Bilik Kesihatan coz she had to finish off work that was supposed to BE DONE BY OTHER PEOPLE! Stupid people, think they can slack off and leave it all to her... she was in a serious crisis.
When I went in there to hang out with her, this I siao teacher came in. This is our conversation.
Me: Hi **. **** (censored name!)
Siao teacher: Oh, hello. Where are you from?
Me: Melbourne..
Siao teacher: Eh....?? Shouldn't you be 7 days quarantined..?!
Me: Huh...?! No... only if you have a temperature.
Siao teacher: No, no! You should be 7 days quarantined!
Me: No you -
Siao teacher: Yes! Get out of this room now!
Me: .........?! *stoned*
Siao teacher: Get out!! Go!
Me: ... *under breath* fine whatever....*Leaves*
I swear, that teacher is crazy!!! Wayyy too paranoid about swine flu! Read the papers, goddammit. You're supposed to be able to teach English!!! D: I could actually reveal his/her name because I'm not in SMKSH anymore so I wouldn't get into trouble, but I'm too nice. Even though everyone thinks he/she really has gone crazy. :S I was like wtf... you're crazy!
I loveee starting discussions on facebook... right now it's on getting wasted (though I'm not stupid enough to get wasted. I don't even drink much). I have wasted friends. :S They must be idiots. xD
Watched Fast & Furious 4 last night... it was so awesome!! I heart all the cars!!!! :D Yet to watch Transformers.... I'll kill myself if I miss out on it in the cinema... watching it on DVD just isn't the same. D:
I feel kinda sad now... today's my 2nd last day in Malaysia and it'll be forreevveerrrr until I come back. ): 1 week is wayy too short man. Well, at least I managed to spend one more (short) day in school yesterday. (: Went in for recess, and I didn't need to fill in that stupid borang pelawat thing like I did last time... so no pas pelawat for me to carry around (as IF I'll pin it on to my tee!).
Which is why when Hamdan came around telling people for not wearing their tie, I hid behind Darren in case he started telling me off. xD It was kinda fun seeing all the guys who USED to be shorter than me be at least a head taller now.. Hermes for example... he used to be tiny. D:
Wen was stuck in the Bilik Kesihatan coz she had to finish off work that was supposed to BE DONE BY OTHER PEOPLE! Stupid people, think they can slack off and leave it all to her... she was in a serious crisis.
When I went in there to hang out with her, this I siao teacher came in. This is our conversation.
Me: Hi **. **** (censored name!)
Siao teacher: Oh, hello. Where are you from?
Me: Melbourne..
Siao teacher: Eh....?? Shouldn't you be 7 days quarantined..?!
Me: Huh...?! No... only if you have a temperature.
Siao teacher: No, no! You should be 7 days quarantined!
Me: No you -
Siao teacher: Yes! Get out of this room now!
Me: .........?! *stoned*
Siao teacher: Get out!! Go!
Me: ... *under breath* fine whatever....*Leaves*
I swear, that teacher is crazy!!! Wayyy too paranoid about swine flu! Read the papers, goddammit. You're supposed to be able to teach English!!! D: I could actually reveal his/her name because I'm not in SMKSH anymore so I wouldn't get into trouble, but I'm too nice. Even though everyone thinks he/she really has gone crazy. :S I was like wtf... you're crazy!
I loveee starting discussions on facebook... right now it's on getting wasted (though I'm not stupid enough to get wasted. I don't even drink much). I have wasted friends. :S They must be idiots. xD
Watched Fast & Furious 4 last night... it was so awesome!! I heart all the cars!!!! :D Yet to watch Transformers.... I'll kill myself if I miss out on it in the cinema... watching it on DVD just isn't the same. D:
When You're Gone
March 24, 2009 9:35:00 PM
Song Choice: When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne
When Youre Gone - Avril Lavigne
Most people would probs know this song because they played it on the radio so so so many times in 2007. When I was still in Malaysia. When everything was happy happy happy. When the pieces of my heart don't miss you as much as I do now.
*
I've been reading my old diaries. Yes. I still have them here (because I brought them, obviously) and the saddest ever entries are every single one of them. I never ever ever realised how much I actually miss those little people in that little country most people have never heard of. Most people have never heard of.
It's weird to think that here people ask "Malaysia? where's that?" when in Malaysia people go, OH Australia. That Place. It's weird that I've never really thought of Malaysia as an unknown country, unknown countries are countries like... timbuktu. If there was ever a place named timbuktu.
*
Form 2 KA. Every Wednesday. Wen Yi, Sonia, Li Shiann, Melissa, Sarah, Sabi, Loong Chern, Manreena and I troop over to 2 Murni.
Where Darren and Ian always are.
I always loved KA.
Because I loved just hanging around on the floor of the back of 2M, listening to Darren Hor arguing with that tall annoying chinese girl he hated, watching Darren Chow and Ian tie my shoelaces together and then smacking them when I couldn't get them back out, rubbing Sarah's leg when she got cramp that day, just basically able to be myself in school.
Not the quiet nerdy girl that most people here see.
Me.
Me and a whole bunch of my entourage who I was pretty sure loved me but now couldn't be bothered about me. Where I could sit with him and laugh and it wouldnt look suspicious because everyone was doing the same thing.
Only they weren't the one silently loving others.
I'd love to know what everyone does these days. But no one ever talks to me, no one ever emails me, no one ever sends me letters, I'm the one who always has to do all that.
I'm the one who starts it and ends it.
*
Oh look, isn't that whats-her-name, she was there for me when I nearly got suspended or even expelled when I joked with that teacher and he told me that what I said was rude and disgusting, she was the one who always helped me with my maths when I didn't get it, she talked to me and cheered me up when I was in the deepets dumps, she included the ones who didn't feel included and weren't being included, she made up stories about all of us and made them the nicest stories in the world, she sat back-to-back with me when it was her last week of school with me and she felt my warmth through my shirt, she made birthday cards for me even when she wasn't in the same country anymore.
She was always smiling. She was always laughing. She was always ready to help, ready to cheer someone up even when she was crying inside, dying inside.
What's her name again? When was her birthday again? Where's she gone?
When's she coming back?
Is she ever coming back?
I miss her.
I want her back.
She is coming back, right?
When Youre Gone - Avril Lavigne
Most people would probs know this song because they played it on the radio so so so many times in 2007. When I was still in Malaysia. When everything was happy happy happy. When the pieces of my heart don't miss you as much as I do now.
*
I've been reading my old diaries. Yes. I still have them here (because I brought them, obviously) and the saddest ever entries are every single one of them. I never ever ever realised how much I actually miss those little people in that little country most people have never heard of. Most people have never heard of.
It's weird to think that here people ask "Malaysia? where's that?" when in Malaysia people go, OH Australia. That Place. It's weird that I've never really thought of Malaysia as an unknown country, unknown countries are countries like... timbuktu. If there was ever a place named timbuktu.
*
Form 2 KA. Every Wednesday. Wen Yi, Sonia, Li Shiann, Melissa, Sarah, Sabi, Loong Chern, Manreena and I troop over to 2 Murni.
Where Darren and Ian always are.
I always loved KA.
Because I loved just hanging around on the floor of the back of 2M, listening to Darren Hor arguing with that tall annoying chinese girl he hated, watching Darren Chow and Ian tie my shoelaces together and then smacking them when I couldn't get them back out, rubbing Sarah's leg when she got cramp that day, just basically able to be myself in school.
Not the quiet nerdy girl that most people here see.
Me.
Me and a whole bunch of my entourage who I was pretty sure loved me but now couldn't be bothered about me. Where I could sit with him and laugh and it wouldnt look suspicious because everyone was doing the same thing.
Only they weren't the one silently loving others.
I'd love to know what everyone does these days. But no one ever talks to me, no one ever emails me, no one ever sends me letters, I'm the one who always has to do all that.
I'm the one who starts it and ends it.
*
Oh look, isn't that whats-her-name, she was there for me when I nearly got suspended or even expelled when I joked with that teacher and he told me that what I said was rude and disgusting, she was the one who always helped me with my maths when I didn't get it, she talked to me and cheered me up when I was in the deepets dumps, she included the ones who didn't feel included and weren't being included, she made up stories about all of us and made them the nicest stories in the world, she sat back-to-back with me when it was her last week of school with me and she felt my warmth through my shirt, she made birthday cards for me even when she wasn't in the same country anymore.
She was always smiling. She was always laughing. She was always ready to help, ready to cheer someone up even when she was crying inside, dying inside.
What's her name again? When was her birthday again? Where's she gone?
When's she coming back?
Is she ever coming back?
I miss her.
I want her back.
She is coming back, right?