Yes, it's true. I never saw it coming. I never thought it was possible. But cancer is a vicious thing. Bone cancer, especially, is unforgiving.

Sorry Chandni.

Sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. Sorry that I used to think you were weak for not being able to stand up to Charmaine in standard 6. Sorry if I ever said anything about you, ever dissed you for not being up to my standards.

But it's all too late now. I can only think about what could have been.

But I know that you were an infinitely better person than me. I remember being jealous of your ability to play football so well. But I still turned down your invite to practice after school. I didn't trust the teachers, and I didn't want to risk the mosquito bites. I'm not and will never be as good as I think I am.

Sorry I didn't get to know you properly, even though we'd been in the same class in primary school for a few years.

These tears are real, knowing that I'll never be able to see you again, or even to smile in your direction, or say a simple 'hi' to you. These tears are very much here.

I mostly remember you hanging out with Raznil and Amira, because we didn't want to include you in our games. We wanted to be the cool kids in school. Nothing can change that now.

But there are some other memories.

Playing jadi (catch) during rehat (recess). Playing futsal against the other girls when we were standard 6 and our team won. You were a great captain.

I'm sorry that I never noticed you again after standard 6. That I have no memories of us in secondary school. But maybe primary school is really the only memories I want to keep.

Goodbye.

I hope you're with your little brother now, taking care of him. Take care of yourself.

This is all too late now, all too pointless. But I take some comfort to know that you're free now. That at least you're in a better place now. There's no more pain.

This feels so wrong. They took the wrong person. Cancer wasn't worthy of you. You were, after all, born on Christmas day. And they took you on Friday the 13th. It's an omen. You're worthy of being in heaven now.

Cancer was my favourite song by My Chemical Romance. I never knew how much it would hit so close to home.

Cancer by My Chemical seems appropriate now. I've said so much, yet I've said nothing.

One last farewell.